This is a selection of IMs from my friend Kenny.
Enjoy at your own risk.
Kenny: i gues it's like wine, you know, you can have a $15 beer and a $5 beer and think they're the same or like the $5 one more
Jon: exactly
Jon: price does not indicate quality
Jon: I've paid some high prices for bad beer. And as a general rule of thumb, I won't ever pay more than $10-12 for a single bottle that I've never had before
Kenny: sure, the more expensive ones are a good conversation piece at a party though
Kenny: like I can buy people's affection at parties by bringing expensive beer
Kenny: "talk to me b/c u want a taste of this $25 beer"
Jon: no, it's more of a dick-wagging contest
Kenny: 3==========D
Kenny: not to scale
Jon: right, too big
Kenny: lol, ass
Kenny: ever encounter a smell and it brings back a flood of vivid memories? Yesterday on the bus I sat next to some hippie in pajamas that smelled like smoke and B.O. Totally reminded me of summer w/ my roommate Orion
Dvan: wow
Kenny: good times
Kenny: can't wait for summer when the bus smells like ass but at least the weather's nice
Kenny: last week my boss didn't know that Office 2013 and Office 15 were the same thing so i applied for this job http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/sad/3571398215.html
Kenny: on my cover letter i wrote that i required $90k to work at a company with a stupid name
Kenny: well i didn't actually write the part about the name
...
Kenny: i think Kthorn is a better company name
Dvan: heheh
Dvan: capitalizing on his name (partial name)
Kenny: I think I will call it S Marsh like Smart Z
Dvan: lol
Kenny: then people would be like woahh is that french? Es(previous company)
Kenny: so nice that my girlfriend is now my ex. Now i can ignore her when she fishes for sympathy, and also talk about guns and racism
Kenny: marriage must be hell
...
Kenny: although maybe that is why I don't have a lot of friends
Dvan: lol
Kenny: i thought the hot PHP/SQL dev downstairs was married, but I didn't see a ring at today's scrum
Kenny: I am going to try and woo her w/ a 10-year SSL cert and extra RAM in the dev server
Kenny: by `hot` I mean she uses backbone.js to cause a page to not reload even if you paste a new URL into the address bar. But she is also good looking.
Kenny: heh ok, on the bathroom counter this morning were 2 C batteries, I assume forgotten there (random), but just now I go in and there is a note under the batteries, "This is what I think of your ridiculous squirting air freshener" (it's mounted on the wall and poofs perfume every 60 seconds)
Kenny: BUT someone added to the note "...unless you're in the room with me when I let go a big one, then it could save your life"
Kenny: yeah that is a necessary evil, some idiot disabled it now I'm pissed
Kenny: heh my boss's theory is it sprayed someone tall in the face
Kenny: cool my test server is stuck in a reboot loop
Kenny: note toself, don't add Features while running Windows Update
Kenny: i knew it didn't sound like a good idea but i assumed Windows would stop me
Kenny: decided i'm gonna grow my beard like ben affleck in Argo
Kenny: it's pretty 70's BA
Kenny: also decided i'm going to try and start main stream usage of the term BA
Kenny: as long as the context doesn't have to do with higher education or argentina it should be clear what i'm saying
Dvan: LOL nice
Dvan: BAK
Dvan: Bad Ass Kenny
Kenny: just wait until i get my Sig Sauer P229
Kenny: I been practicing in Counterstrike
Kenny: also setting up surveillance cams around my house
Kenny: planning on stocking up on MRE's
Kenny: there's a flu epidemic going on in all but 3 states
Kenny: it's showtime
Dvan: wow. a little much?
Kenny: No I've seen The Stand and 28 Day Later I know what can happen
Kenny: Who should get an e-mail 2 days before this gallery will expire? (Use commas between multiple e-mail addresses.)
Kenny: ABrown@(domain removed).com, rbourke@(domain removed), pperaza@(domain removed).com
Kenny:
Kenny: wtf DID I SAY COMMA AND SPACE?
Kenny: friggin users
palehorse: haha
Kenny: oh wow one of those isn't even a valid address
Kenny: there is no hope
[Earlier chat about Kenny thinking he underpaid a restaurant bill, and I encouraged him to go in and make it up]
Kenny: heh well i returned the money but they were really confused
Kenny: they were like "Umm you're just giving us money?"
Kenny: i guess it was completely different people working
Jon: lol
Kenny: they asked where i was sitting and i gave them the general direction and then he said "I'll text the guy working that section last night and say people are giving him free money"
Jon: your karma's the better for it
Kenny: BUT there were 2 people working that section
Kenny: oh well, at least I gots me some more fried avocado taco
Kenny: s**t is da bomb
Kenny: oh man i figured out a good trick. my boss can only play WoW with the door closed, but if I fart a lot he eventually stops and opens it
Kenny: what the dizzle? I checked in at a place for lunch, and I was still mayor, and now I'm ousted
Kenny: shouldn't be possible? cheating
Dvan: yeah, I had something like that happen to me too.
Kenny: fortunately it should be easy to murder them, I know where to find them
Kenny: I mean, Say Hello
Dvan: Hmm if a mayor gets murdered, does it make you honorary mayor for life?
Dvan: Maybe you get a "murder" badge...
Kenny: I hope there is a Foursquare reclamation process
Kenny: like there is on Facebook if u die
Dvan: heh
Kenny: wait didn't you already make a murder badge?
Kenny: using the knife from the desserts badge...
Dvan: hah I think that was Jon
Kenny: yea i want that one
Dvan: Serial Killer Badge
<p><img src=\"assets/images/upload/serial-killer-badge-150.png\" alt=\"serial killer badge\" style=\"display:inline-block; margin:0 15px 15px 0; vertical-align:middle;\" />« Jon\'s Serial Killer Badge</p>
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Kenny: guess i shouldn't have tried scheduling meetings for today
palehorse: haha
palehorse: no
Kenny: on the way there -> coworker says "umm, you scheduled a meeting today?"
Kenny: there -> my attendee doesn't show
Kenny: on the way back -> different coworker says "people are scheduling meetings today?"
Kenny: ugh
palehorse: Just sit at your desk and play WoW
Kenny: hmm.. should be easy to score the handicapped stall though... bbiab
Kenny: today i couldn't find him for hours and then when he came back he said he was "hiding"
Kenny: with a straight face
Kenny: ?? no idea ??
Kenny: every time he sends a meeting invite he calls it a Chant
Kenny: i think it's supposed to mean Chat
Kenny: he also spells MS Lync as Lynch
Kenny: it was especially great when he invited All Staff to his "Lynch Demonstration"
Kenny talking about his boss...
Kenny: umm, did the world end as planned? because it's a ghost town in the coffee shop and at work today. And donovan is Away on IM so I think he might have gotten raptured
Jon: that's weird, the office is really empty too, just me and Joel here
Kenny: the lights aren't even on here
Jon: but I don't think the Mayan predicted the rapture I was always under the impression that it was fire and lava and meteors and s**t
Jon: there were a bunch of cars on fire on my way to work
Kenny: lol really?
Kenny: i should have bought a gun
Jon: No, not really
Jon: Dvan is over conferring with Aaron
Kenny: u bastard
Kenny: wish I could get my drink first at Subway so when they ask if I want it toasted I can raise my glass, "To the sandwich!"
Kenny: someone took a sh*T out by the bike lockers again
Kenny: I may not have to deal with CORIL but there is that.
Dvan: wtf
Kenny: Yeah. Working downtown rocks.
Kenny: Not sure why they can't use the grassy area in the parking lot like the dogs do
Kenny: i guess they don't want someone sneaking up on them and the bike lockers create a private area against the building
Dvan: How do you know it's not a dog?
Kenny: they used TP
Dvan: LOL
Kenny: tried a new coffee shop for lunch, but some tourette's guy yelled "F***!" when I walked in the door
Kenny: that was a bit traumatic for me, don't think i'll be returning
Dvan: Run away!!!
Kenny: i asked my lawyer friend how they could force me to do that
Kenny: he literally said "because in our justice system, someday you would want someone to do the same for you"
Kenny: i voted, and i don't litter, isn't that enough of serving my country?
Kenny: I listen to this September song about her micro-phone and I'm like cool, maybe it's a RAZR or some really small nokia that's only available in scandinavia
Kenny: then i realized she is talking about that thing that u sing into
Dvan: phreaking kenny
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Kenny: i guess i could try sniffing the traffic
palehorse: when all else fails....sniff your way
Kenny: TCP sniffing... the only true reality
Kenny: in TCP we trust... everything else is subject to presentation layer bugs
Kenny: omg, this is such murphy's law
Kenny: today I get the balls to work from a complete different part of the office, to avoid my noisy boss
Kenny: I just settle down, make my little work space and plug in my computer, and he writes, saying he's WORKING FROM HOME TODAY
Kenny: ~@$*!
Kenny: not sure why the hell i moved into NW portland... I hate people
Kenny: wow my boss linked his home and work windows 8 computers to the same Windows Live account, now his wallpaper is porn
palehorse: lmao
Kenny: i don't tihnk he realizes
palehorse: that's funny as hell
palehorse: Is youre boss an IT guy?
Kenny: yeah
palehorse: Is he any good?
Kenny: no... his passion is building desktop computers with water cooling and crap
palehorse: fail
Kenny: other than that he just has good charisma which i guess is how he became Information Services Manager
Kenny: omg the rainforest bird sounds were because he had World of Warcraft minimized
Kenny: *face palm*
Kenny: one might think it's soothing except for every 10 minutes is a loud "CA-CAW!!! CA-CAW!"
Kenny: I voted! Resisted the hipster urge to write in a candidate no one has ever heard of.
Kenny: I did vote for the occupy guy for treasurer tho. he won't win anyway
Kenny: didn't get a "i voted" stickor though, which pisses me off
Jon: No, because we have the mail-in ballots.
Kenny: well they could put it in the envelope
Kenny: like the honor system like the OPB stickers
Jon: just make your own
Jon: tape a piece of paper to your shirt with "I VOTED" in sharpie or something
Kenny: haha
Kenny: occupy guy for treasurer's twitter bcakground is a pic of him gettin tazed
Kenny: i hope he wins
